Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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