Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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