K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
