I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
