I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
