I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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