she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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