2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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