sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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