I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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