I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
