Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am available for nakedness
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
His nipple licking is glorious
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