So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
