I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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