Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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