they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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