So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
