So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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