Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
