I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
