If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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