but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
