Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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