it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
