So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found your dick twin last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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