And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
