You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
