well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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