quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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