that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
