after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
