i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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