You don't have asthma, your pregnant
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
