Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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