i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
