Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
