I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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