ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found your dick twin last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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