I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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