i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
