I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
