I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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