Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
