I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
