with your own penis?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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