my phone needs a breathalizer
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
