just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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