Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i out mim tonsoeep
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