What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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