pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
