it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we're making bets on your personal life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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